They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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