smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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