I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
