Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
