i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
