Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize