her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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