how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
