he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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