We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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