drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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