yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters