I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
