Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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