Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have grass duct taped all over my body
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If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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