is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
