i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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