My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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