It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize