I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
