On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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