If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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