What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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