I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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