apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize