my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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