Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
