i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
