We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
