Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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