He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus