at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina