I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.