So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.