I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.