GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs