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I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Randomize
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