Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
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I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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