Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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