Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
a search helicopter?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!