So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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