I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think my moral compass just broke
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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