theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
