Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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