The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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