you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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