Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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