So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
