I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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