remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
