He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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