you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I could fuck to npr.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
