THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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