so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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