I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
