I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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