Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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